When I think about what I prayed at the beginning of the year, I am saddened that I didn't have more faith or that I didn't pray enough. I feel struck down at my lack of purpose with what you have planned for me and my blindness that traps me from building a deep relationship with you.
I have come to realise that in my desires, I did not see you already at work, and you answered my prayers before I even asked. I prayed for a dear friend to come to know you. To know your love and your deep abundance. I admit I prayed half-hearted because I prayed this prayer so many times. Funnily enough, the other thing I prayed for is patience. Patience that is thoughtful and compassionate. It wasn't planned, it was just an ordinary call we had with each other and then she said it, she knows you. I cried inside. I cried because of so much joy for she knows you. How did I not realise you had answered both prayers?
I laugh at one of my resolutions I made this year to run a marathon. Just as the reluctant child eats their vegetable so that they will get their ice cream, I had a plan to run every week so that I could get to that finish line. So, I began going and going and running and running.
It's been five months, but sometimes I do not know why I am running. Lord hear my cry, am I running away or closer to you? I feel, at times, I do not know the difference. Often, I think if I slow down, then someone will pass me by, and that I will not accomplish what I want. But I do not know what I want: